had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
