Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am puke
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
