Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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