history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
