how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
