Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
