stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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