does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
