Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We left an ass print on the piano.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize