I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
