we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
