so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
