who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
