this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I party with great urgency now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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