I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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