So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
