Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
