Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
