Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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