He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize