Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
