That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
