im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
