You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
