Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
