soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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