Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
sex in a hospital.. check
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
