420 ftw
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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