I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
