Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
