he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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