what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
