my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She bit a glass in half.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
