your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
