This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
