Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
