Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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