Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
