I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
