I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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