All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
