Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
