my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
