Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
