So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My feet surprised me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
