Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
