How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
