My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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