Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
