Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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