If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
