Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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