I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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