I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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