Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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