i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
