Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
