Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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