Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
