So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
