I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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