Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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