I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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