That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
