my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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