Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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