i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
