I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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