You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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