He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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