Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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