I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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