I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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