This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
