I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
