at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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