So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
