SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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