ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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