Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just want nice things and good sex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
