when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
